3 Meryl Streep Moon via Buzzfeed

#IHATEPOETRY

Listen.

I'm just going to put this out there:

I love words, but I hate poetry.

There, I said it.

Who knew it was this serious?

I will never not hate it with a passion.

Here's why I hate poetry: If you have something to say,

Say it directly. There's no need for all of these boring words.

JUST SAY IT.

I want to drown it in metaphors, similes, etc.

I'm not reading this garbage.

I DON'T EVEN GET IT.

What's the point of poetry?

It's not like I'm going to go around rhyming.

I hate reading it in English. I hate writing it in French.

My mind does not work this way.

Poetry is the only thing I don't actually like.

Don't get me started on that symbolism crap.

Why can't a tree just be a tree?

Where is my dumb poetry book.

Poems are literally the worst.

I hate them so much I might die.

Words can not even express how much I truly detest poetry.

It's useless. And why does it have to rhyme?

Go shove a hyperbole up your ass.

***

I am going to write a poem about using Meryl Streep's laugh as a ringtone.

I've bookmarked an LA Times article from 1989

in which her giggle eruptions are explored with great amazement.

I've tweeted extensively on the tone and timbre of

each particular laugh. Countless hours on Youtube have been spent

researching and cataloging her various chortles, cackles and rolling crack-ups.

Hers is an auditory knowing glance, vibrating the air with

sympathetic joy. To watch a supercut of her recorded laughter is

to change or enhance the trajectory of your day

for the better, for the more equanimous, for the more open.

For these reasons and more,

I am going to write a poem about using Meryl Streep's laugh as a ringtone.