Jay Leno on Iraq War


– 1 –

"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq
gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi
people with food, medicine, supplies, housing,
education - anything that's needed. Isn't that
amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda -
and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if
it works out."


– 2 –

"In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam has
challenged President Bush to a live, televised debate.
I think this would be fair, since English is a second
language to both of them."


– 3 –

"U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan says he can think
of no reason to attack Iraq right now. I can think of
five off the top of my head: Shell, Exxon, Mobil,
Texaco and BP."


– 4 –

"President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like
'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush
in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're
going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't
I?"


– 5 –

"In California, 50 women protested the impending war
with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling
out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president."


– 6 –

"The bill gives the president the power to wage war on
Iraq - or, as President Bush calls it, "Operation Re-election.'"


– 7 –

"President Bush is asking Congress for permission to
wage war on Iraq. Some members of Congress are
reluctant to go along with the plan so far. All Bush
needs to do is remind these guys that, in Iraq, an
adulterer gets stoned to death."


– 8 –

"More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he
takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No
wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against
this guy - he's one of their own."


– 9 –

"Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar
cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home.
When he heard that, President Bush agreed and
announced plans to bomb Ohio."


– 10 –

"President Bush said it's now time for a change in
Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style
democracy like ours. So right now in Iraq, the economy
is collapsing, businessmen are corrupt, and Hussein
wants his son to take over as president. Sounds like
mission accomplished."


– 11 –

"Germany is now saying that they won't go along with
an invasion of Iraq. However, they did say they would
go along if the invasion included Poland, France and
Belgium."


– 12 –

"A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of
Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called
Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start
calling your father."


– 13 –

"Bush said he wants a change so that the people of
Iraq will be allowed to choose their own leaders. Good
luck, we can't even get the people of Florida to
choose their own leaders."


– 14 –

"The Bush administration has apparently approved a
plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President
Bush's Father's Day gift to his Dad."


– 15 –

"Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the
vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign
manager, Jeb Hussein."


– 16 –

"Thanks for coming out on such a hot day. I was
sweating like Saddam Hussein watching Bush's poll
numbers drop."


– 17 –

"In a bizarre move, Saddam Hussein has released all
prisoners being held in Iraqi jails. Isn't that
amazing? Iraq has prisoners that are still alive."


~ Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman