George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office wondering which
country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Bush," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Abul
Abed, down here at Qahwet el-Ejezz. I am calling to tell you that
we are officially declaring war on you!"


"Well well, Mr. Abul Abed," replied Bush, "this is indeed important
news. How big is your army?"


"Right now," said Abul Abed, after a moment's calculation, "there
is myself, my neighbor Abu Steif, my cousin Abu Yousef, my
other cousin Abu Jreij, plus the waiters at the Qahwe. That makes
eight."


Bush paused. "I must tell you, Mr. Abul Abed, that I have one
million men in my army waiting to move at my command."


"Holy falafel," exclaims Abul Abed. "I'll have ta call you back."


Sure enough, the next day Abul Abed called again. "Mr. Bush,
the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry
equipment."


"And what equipment would that be, Mr. Abul Abed?"


"Well, habibi, we have two Mercedes 180, and a pick-up truck."


Bush sighed. "Again I must tell you, Mr. Abul Abed, that I have
12,000 tanks and 20,000 armored personnel carriers. I have also
increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."



"Ya lateef", said Abul Abed. "I'll be getting back to you."


Abul Abed rang again the next day. "Mr. B, the war is still
happening! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We
modified a helicopter with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit,
and four more neighbors have joined us as well."


Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "Mr. Abul
Abed, you have to know that I have 1,000 bombers and 10,000
fighter planes. The White House and the Pentagon are protected
by laser-guided surface-to-air missiles. And since we last spoke, I
have increased my army to two million!"


"Lah lah lah lah," said Abul Abed. "I'll have ta call you back."


The next day, Abul Abed called early in the morning. "Mr. Bush, I
am sorry to have to tell you that we have decided to call off the
war."



Bush smiled with triumph. "I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Abul Abed.
Why the sudden change of heart?"


"Well, sir," said Abul Abed sadly, "our army sat down at
Qahwet el-Ejezz to drink some Turkish coffee. We had a long
chat, and came to realize that there is no way we can feed two
million prisoners!"

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